oh, my mistake

THE TRUTH REVEALED: the entire United States is FAT because we are guilty of being clueless of how many calories [we] do or should eat (according to a totes accurate and representative INTERWEBZ survey of 1,024 people).  THX USATODAY!

Wendy Reinhardt Kapsak of the International Food Information Council Foundation (Jesus, what a name), “an education group supported by the food, beverage and agricultural industries” (who are TOTES not involved in making tons of money off of diet food),

Having some frame of reference could be an important first step in tackling your weight, she says.

Unless I was in a VR chair during my formative years – in which case I didn’t actually live them and my brain is filled with false images of people I’ve never met and places I’ve never been – when I was a teenager, I carried around a notebook.  In that notebook, I would write down the calorie count of everything I put in my mouth.  I would tally up all of the calories and, using the average amount of calories burned while jogging for someone of my height, weight, and age, I would subtract the calories an average body burns in a day and exercise until I’d burned off the rest.  I wouldn’t feel “balanced” until I’d done so, even if it meant working out until I was exhausted, sick, and shaky.

I did not lose weight.

But but but Wendy says “Your output must equal your input or you’ll gain weight.”  How could I have been so wrong?!  There must be something wrong with me – my body doesn’t work right, maybe I’m just not working hard enough, I just need to exercise more and eat less, and then I’ll be healthy and not a disgusting lazy fatass!

Oh, wait.  That’s not right.  I’m not lazy. I do hot box yoga, and swim, and hike.  And sometimes I don’t.  I weigh less now, eating when I get signals from my body and not restricting my diet, than I did when I was a teen and only eating fat-free ranch dressing and SnackWells cookies.  There must be something else amiss here.

Oh yeah!  I remember!  Calories-in/calories-out is a LOAD OF FUCKING HORSESHIT.

And show me a goddamn fat person in the United States (especially a ladyfatz) who is not conscious of their food intake and the burning judgmental stares of bystanders.  If there is a reason fatties are still fat, it is NOT that we are unaware of what awful people we supposedly are.


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